Man-spider [Revised]
by Muffin
Summary: Rewritten. Centimeter Parker is Man-spider, a spider with the amazing qualities of a human! Spoof of Spider-man. Get a glimpse of the secret world of Spiders! (Rated PG13 for language, mild violence and stupidness) *Chapter 1*


*NOTE* - Rewritten. I always take the advice of my reviewers. ^.^ My whole idea was that spiders have a little miniature version of our world, complete with automobiles and buildings. Of course, they're not manufactured as ours are. I added a few things explaining what the objects look like and what they're made of. …I guess I should have put that stuff in the first time I wrote it. Never really crossed my mind, actually. This is set in the future. Spiders are more advanced and humans think of them as they would of wild animals. They no longer see them as just insects. Humans understand that spiders have their own worlds. Don't know if that would ever happen, but you never know. ^.~ Hehe.  
  
Added a few elements I find interesting. Hope you like it.  
  
  
  
  
  
MAN-SPIDER  
  
I. The Bite  
  
As Centimeter Parker got off the bus, he caught site of Hairy Jane. A grin spread across his face. He stood awestruck for a moment, but snapped out of it as she waved to him. Was she waving to him? Was beautiful Hairy Jane Watson waving at plain old Centimeter Parker?! He turned around and immediately saw what he feared; a handsome jock was walking towards Hairy Jane. As he reached her, the two embraced and walked into the museum. Centimeter knew it was too good to be true. Why would a popular beauty wave at a dork.  
  
"What's up, Centie?" Scary Osborn said as he climbed down the stairs of the cardboard bus. A few girls caught site of him and shrieked in terror. One even fainted. Scary just stared at them for a moment, then walked up to Centimeter. He noticed Centimeter was staring at the back-end of Hairy Jane and he jumped at the opportunity to look also.  
  
"Yeeeeah. What a fine abdomen, eh? And those eyes! WHOO! I wish I had eyes like that. And those long, slender, eight legs of hers. She's the object of every spider's attention. What a goddess. Mmmm, eh Centie? Hey, why the look? You looked at me like everyone else does…"  
  
Centimeter shook his head and took a roll of film he had been dragging along with his camera. They were way to large for him and he had some difficulty loading the film. "Sorry, Scary. Just…don't talk about HJ that way. She's not a piece of meat."  
  
Scary put one of his legs on Centimeter's shoulder and lead him towards the front doors of the museum. "Sorry, bud. Didn't mean anything by it." Centimeter stumbled with the big camera as Scary pushed him.  
  
"Yeah…" Centimeter finished loading his camera and made Scary stop to awkwardly take pictures of the front of the building. He stood on top of the camera (which was so much bigger than him) and jumped on the button. To tell you the truth, his pictures were horrible because he couldn't see what he was taking a picture of. He never gave up, though.  
  
"SCARY! Wait up!"  
  
Scary turned around and rolled all eight of his eyes as he saw a black centipede pull up to the sidewalk.  
  
"Keep walking, Centimeter."  
  
Too late. Centimeter had stopped to look at the centipede. "Do you know that guy that's waving on top?"  
  
"Unfortunately. That's my father."  
  
A slender green spider tried to climb down from the bug, but slipped and fell most of the way. He got up, dusted himself off and put a shoe back on one of his legs. He was wearing a brown business suit and carrying a briefcase. Tin foil was scrunched up to look like shoes on six of his legs. The other two were bare, presumably for use as hands.  
  
As he approached the two teens, he squeaked as the tin foil rubbed on the ground. Scary leaned over to Centimeter and whispered, "Those shoes look ridiculous, don't they?" Centimeter looked down at his bear legs and half-nodded. Spiders don't usually wear shoes, or tin foil balls that are suppose to be shoes.  
  
"Ah, Scary! I'm glad I caught up with you," the spider smiled and shook his son's hand. Scary smiled politely and gestured toward Centimeter.  
  
"Dad, this is my friend, Centimeter Parker."  
  
The spider nodded and shook his hand. "I'm Dr. Thorman Osborn. Nice to meet you. Scary has mentioned you several times. I hear you're quite the human wiz. You must enjoy field trips such as this. Visiting the Museum of Human Beings, huh? Must be great."  
  
Centimeter nodded. "Yes. I find it quite enjoyable. I'm afraid your son doesn't like it, however."  
  
Thorman laughed and slapped his son on the shoulder. "Yes, unfortunately. I've always tried to get him into science and things of the sort, but he doesn't listen. This one's a rebel."  
  
Scary laughed nervously, while Centimeter laughed politely.  
  
"Please excuse me, Centimeter. I must speak with my son privately. We will only be a minute or so." With that, Thorman whisked Scary away to his centipede. Centimeter hesitated for a second, then turned around and walked into the museum. Scary could catch up. They were already behind the group.  
  
The museum was an old abandoned house. When Centimeter entered through the crack beside the door, he was taken aback. The museum had done major renovation projects since he was last there. They were preparing to set up their living human exhibit. The familiar humanoid objects lining the entrance hall were gone. Signs adorned the walls, smeared on pieces of napkins and cardboard.  
  
  
  
Welcome to the Museum of Human Beings!  
  
Please excuse the mess!  
  
We just finished renovating. Our new exhibit, Life, is now on display, featuring REAL human beings!  
  
Our friend, the President of the United States, graciously donated these fine specimens to us. Mr. George Bush warned, however, that these are criminal humans, so we must be alert at all times. But no worries! We have everything under control  
  
Enjoy your visit!  
  
  
  
ATTENTION:  
  
Live humans. Please be careful. Humans are unpredictable and may retaliate.  
  
Younger children and pregnant spiders are advised to be cautious.  
  
  
  
Centimeter continued walking, snapping pictures every now and then. He finally saw the group, in a room with more signs posted.  
  
  
  
WARNING  
  
You are about to enter the laboratory. Testing on live humans is in progress. Please, no sudden movements. Flash photography is not allowed.  
  
Certain areas of this room are restricted. Please follow signs and your guides.  
  
  
  
He walked into the room. It was fashioned like an extremely large laboratory. Tiny equipment was scattered around the room. Four humans, two of each sex, were being held in large cages around the outside. They were on each of the four walls. The cages, mostly of glass, reached up to the 7- foot ceiling and were about 6 feet wide. Centimeter quickly snapped as many photos as he could of the enormous creatures.  
  
The males were on opposite sides of the room, as were the females. They all wore black sweat pants and a black t-shirt. They had no shoes or socks. A pillow and blanket lay in the cages with them. The doors were located on the side of the cage. This was the only part of the cage that was not glass. It was stainless steel and the door was bolted shut.  
  
"And this," a brown female spider was explaining to the group of students, "is the laboratory where we experiment on the magnificent creatures we call humans."  
  
"What sorts of experiments do you do on them?" a young spider asked in awe, as he lightly poked the glass of one of the cages. The spider stuck two legs into the pockets of her white lab coat (actually, it was a piece of scrap fabric fashioned to look like a lab coat).  
  
"All kinds. We don't do much scientific work. We mostly dabble in behavioral and social elements. However, we do the occasional blood test and what-not, to make sure the humans are still healthy.  
  
"Now, I must get back to work. Please direct your attention back to your tour guide."  
  
A tall male spider motioned for the group. "If you'll follow me, I'll show you the large collection of clothing we have gathered over the years."  
  
Most of the students followed him, but some stayed behind, including Centimeter. He snapped pictures of the humans as they slept. One female was even crawling around her cage, throwing her fists up in the air and banging on the glass with her hands and feet. It was clear that she was angry and yelling, but the glass was sound-proof. Her middle finger flicked up as Centimeter took a few pictures. He smiled. Humans had the funniest sense of humor.  
  
Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Hairy Jane Watson, peering at one of the male humans. She looked uninterested. Centimeter went over to her and stopped her just as she was walking away.  
  
"Can I take your picture? I need a few pictures with students in it for the school newspaper." Centimeter smiled sweetly.  
  
Hairy Jane hesitated, then smiled and stood in front of the cage. "Just don't make me look bad, OK?"  
  
Centimeter chuckled and snapped away. Hairy Jane started to pose and look like she was really interested in the reading material they had been given. Centimeter kept clicking away. He had the biggest smile on him as he did. When he had a few pictures left, he stopped and said to Hairy Jane "Thanks. You looked great."  
  
She smiled and walked off. Centimeter then noticed something. The cage holding the angry woman was empty. He cautiously searched around the area where he was, but saw nothing. He decided to finish off the roll of film by taking pictures of the empty cage. As he took the very last one, he felt a gust of wind on his neck. He turned around and came face to face with the escaped human. She was looking at him with her green eyes, hate clearly present. Centimeter screamed and a few screams erupted around him.  
  
Chaos soon ensued and spiders were running around the laboratory. Just as Centimeter was about to run away, the human snatched him and squeezed him between her fingers.  
  
"Stupid spiders! I'll smoosh you all for caging me up! Damn republicans! Damn you, Bush!!!" A string of inaudible curse words erupted from her mouth. Then she stopped, and looked around the room  
  
"I'll get ALL of you little shits! I'm a murderer, you little termites!"  
  
A small spider, as she was running away, stopped and looked up at the human. "Sorry, ma'am, but we're not termites. We are spid…"  
  
The woman suddenly pounded her fist down on the spider, crushing her. "Spiders aren't meant to talk, damn it!! Those stupid scientists, making radioactive spiders. Damn science! DAMN the world!"  
  
She growled and suddenly bit Centimeter in the neck. She then dropped Centimeter and crawled out the door, squishing a few spiders as she went. The other humans were pounding on the glass, screaming inaudibly for freedom.  
  
The laboratory was now empty, except for Centimeter. He blinked his eight eyes and felt around the vicinity of his neck. Two large teeth marks were present on both sides. He winced in pain and decided he better get to a hospital or something. Scary suddenly appeared and ran to Centimeter.  
  
"Hey, are you okay?! I heard what happened. Whoa…you don't look so good." Centimeter showed him the bites.  
  
"Do you think it's poisonous?"  
  
"Naw. I've had a bunch of human bites before. A bite is harmless. It just puts you in bed for a couple of days. No big deal."  
  
Centimeter nodded. "I think I should go home, then."  
  
"Yeah. Come on. My dad can take you home. He's still here, waiting for news about what happened."  
  
***********************  
  
As the centipede pulled away, Centimeter staggered up the steps to his house, an computer desk (complete with working computer). He got in and was immediately embraced by his Aunt Yay.  
  
"Centimeter, dear! Are you alright? We heard about the escape on the news!"  
  
Centimeter nodded. "I'm fine, Auntie. No worries." He kissed her forehead and went upstairs to his room. He passed the computer on his way, and he waved to his uncle, who was watching a documentary on the computer about flies.  
  
Centimeter arrived at his room and collapsed on his web. He snuggled into the covers, hoping that this strange feeling would subside with sleep. He suddenly felt dizzy. He needed to get to the bathroom. He stood up, and wobbled in place for a minute, then collapsed beside the web. He clumsily pulled the covers down on the floor and wrapped himself in them. The bathroom could wait. He couldn't walk. He felt so weird…what was happening? 


End file.
